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⌕ Broom Closet Ending/Dialogue is a dialogue subpage
This page is dialogue from a specific ending. To view this section along with dialogue from other endings, visit the dialogue page.
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This page contains the narration for the Broom Closet Ending. For the audio files, see Template:Dialogue/2013/Broom Closet Ending.
Broom Closet Ending
Stanley stepped into the broom closet, but there was nothing here.
So he turned around and got back on track.
There was nothing here. No choice to make, no path to follow, just an empty broom closet.
No reason to still be here.
It was baffling that Stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet.
He wasn't even doing anything.
At least if there were something to interact with he'd be justified in some way.
As it is, he's literally just standing there, doing sweet F.A.
Are you... are you really still in the broom closet?
Standing around doing nothing? Why?
Please offer me some explanation here; I'm genuinely confused.
You do realize there's no choice or anything in here, right?
If I had said: “Stanley walked past the broom closet,”
at least you would have had a reason for exploring it to find out.
But it didn't even occur to me because literally this closet is of absolutely no significance to the story whatsoever.
I never would have thought to mention it.
Maybe to you this is somehow its own branching path.
Maybe when you go talk about this with your friends, you'll say
“OH, DID U GET THE BROOM CLOSET ENDING? THEB ROOM CLOSET ENDING WAS MY FAVRITE!1 XD”
I hope your friends find this concerning.
Stanley was fat, and ugly, and really, really stupid.
He probably only got the job because of a family connection; that's how stupid he is.
That, or with drug money.
Also, Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers.
Well, I've come to a very definite conclusion about what's going on right now. You're dead.
You got to this broom closet, explored it a bit, and were just about to leave because there's nothing here
when a physical malady of some sort shut down your central nervous system
and you collapsed on the keyboard.
Well, in a situation like this, the responsible thing is to alert someone nearby
so as to ensure that your body is taken care of before it begins to decompose.
Hello? Anyone who happens to be nearby!
The person at this computer is dead!
HE OR SHE HAS FALLEN PREY TO ANY NUMBER OF YOUR COUNTLESS HUMAN PHYSIOLOGICAL VULNERABILITIES.
IT'S INDICATIVE OF THE LONG-TERM SUSTAINABILITY OF YOUR SPECIES. (HD Remix)
They have fallen prey to any number of your countless human physiological vulnerabilities.
It's indicative of the long-term sustainability of your species! (Ultra Deluxe)
Please remove their corpse from the area and instruct another human to take their place
making sure they understand basic first-person video game mechanics
and filling them in on the history of narrative tropes in video gaming
so that the irony and insightful commentary of this game is not lost on them.
Alright, when you've done that, just step out into the hallway.
Stepping out into the hallway
Ah, second player! It's good to have you on board.
I guarantee you can't do any worse than the person who came before you.
Stepping back into the Broom Closet
You too? Unbelievable.
I'm at the mercy of an entire species of invalids.
Perhaps there's a monkey nearby you can hand the controls to?
A fish? Fungus?
Look, you can hammer out the details; I'm not particularly picky.
I'll just be waiting for when you're ready to pick up the story again.
Entering the Broom Closet again after a restart
Oh, no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not again.
I won't be a part of this. I'm not going to encourage you. I'm not going to say anything at all.
I'm just going to be patient and wait for you to finish whatever it is you enjoy doing so much in this room.
Please, take your time.