Ultra Deluxe Dialogue (Bucket)

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Ignoring The Bucket

Stanley felt the bucket calling to him, begging him to pick it up.

Why was he not doing it?

Ignoring The Bucket once again

Maybe Stanley would never pick up the bucket.

A lonely bucket; lonely and miserable, and Stanley-less.

Such a sad fate for a bucket.

Ignoring The Bucket yet again

(Narrator closes the door on Stanley)

Stanley, pick up the bucket.

Picking Up The Bucket

• Stanley picked up the bucket.
• Stanley lifted the bucket into his arms, and a wave of comfort rushed over him.
• The confusion and the chaos all seemed to melt away as Stanley embraced the bucket.
• Warmth spread through Stanley's arms. With the bucket in his arms again, he was home.
• Stanley picked up the bucket and smiled. He'd never be alone again. Not truly alone. Not with the bucket around.
• The good ol' bucket. Just Stanley and the bucket, off on another thrilling adventure together.
• The bucket made Stanley want to be a better man, and a better co-worker. In time, perhaps he would become both of those things.
• Ahh, Stanley's bucket. The only coworker he would ever truly need.
• As Stanley lifted his bucket, he felt a connection to all buckets everywhere. This adventure, he decided, was for all of them.
• A good bucket. A strong bucket. A humble bucket. A committed bucket. A bucket of culture and distinction.
• Ah, the embrace of an old friend. A weathered companionship that stands the test of time.
• Is Stanley without the bucket really Stanley at all? No, no surely not.
• One man. One bucket. One chance to seize their destiny, together.
• Finally, yes. The bucket! Yes, yes, yes! I love that bucket.
• ''Where are we going today?'' the bucket asked. Stanley just smiled. Anywhere they went together would be perfectly fine with him.
• Stanley cradled the bucket in a gentle embrace. Protective yet delicate, assertive yet compassionate.
• It's bucket time! (After all the other dialogue has been heard, this will be heard for all times in the future when the Bucket is picked up.)

Picking Up The Replacement Bucket

And try not to lose this one too, you dolt.

Rummaging Around with the bucket

Stanley pressed the bucket to his cheek. Could his coworkers really be gone?

Touching Things With The Bucket In The Office

Stanley pressed the bucket upon every little thing in the office.

Nothing responded to the bucket's touch., but it did little to discourage Stanley's belief in the magic of the bucket.

Out of Map Ending

Out Of The Map:

"Yes," whispered the bucket into Stanley's ear.

"We've done it. We've escaped from that dull office and that pesky narrator. At last, out here in the white void, we are alone. Now, and for the first time, I can reveal to you my true self."

The bucket began to tell Stanley of its life and its history.

Of the countless wars it witnessed desecrating the land and lives of untold numbers of innocent humans and the bucket's own complicity therein.

Of sadness and regret and the many years it spent dwelling on the actions it might have taken to curb the madness and the decay.

If only it had been stronger.

Of hope and redemption and its crusade to uplift the stock of life for the common man. To manifest justice where none existed.

And the bittersweet reality of time, to see one's dreams and wishes met halfway.

Meted out in parcels like charity and abandoned as soon as the warm glow of inspiration begins to dim.

The opportunities to do so much more.

There was so much it could have done.

"Perhaps..." The bucket wondered to itself.

Perhaps if it had seen its own darkness with a clearer perception... This was way too much for Stanley.

"What are you talking about?!" He screamed. "You're a bucket!"

To this, the bucket furrowed its brow.

"No," said the bucket. "Not since the evil wizard Gambhorra'ta first ensnared me in his machinations as payback for the sacred amulet I stole from his treasured vaults.

I was young back then, and could not conceive the ramifications of -"

"NO!!" Stanley screamed even louder this time. "This... is... stupid!! You... are... a... bucket!!

This is so stupid! Why are we even doing this?!"

As Stanley screamed and screamed and screamed, the bucket revealed its true form,

transforming into a mighty beast of untold power, its fangs glistening like-

My god. Stanley, you did it!

You saved us from the bucket!

Thank god you already had all twelve Emblems of Sages and knew the incantations to summon their true power.

Otherwise we would have easily been overwhelmed by the bucket's power.

I'm speechless. You've demonstrated such bravery here today.

Come, let's restart the game! And we'll agree to never again go trifling with this bucket, nor the dark magic cast away inside of it.

Clicking Door 430 Five Times

Oh, please. Are you really just doing this for the achievement?

Click a door five times? Is that all that you think an achievement is worth?

No, no, no, no, no. I can't just give these merits away for such little effort.

A measly five clicks?

Now suppose you were to click the door twenty times.

I would say that's the kind of effort that warrants recognition!

Hmm, I have to say, I'm still not feeling the satisfaction of witnessing true effort for a noble cause.

Perhaps fifty clicks will do it. Yes, almost certainly fifty clicks.

No, no. I'm still not feeling it.

You see, now that you've gotten the bucket involved, my standards have gone up.

Merely clicking a single door is no longer enough.

Now I want to see you press this bucket against multiple doors.

Now that's the kind of thing that merits an achievement!

Beginning The Quest

Why don't you go put twenty bucket-touches into door number 417?

Okay great, now go touch the bucket on door 437 a few times.

Yes, now we're getting somewhere.

How about door 415? Give it some bucket love!

Now back to door number 437.

You know, I think the copy machine needs some attention.

Why don't you rub the bucket on it for a bit?

Alright back to room 417!

I'm really feeling it now, I think we're getting somewhere!

Okay, now bring the bucket top of Employee 419's desk.

Now the bucket knows exactly what it's like to be Employee 419!

Now let's introduce it to door 416!

We've almost got it! Now make the bucket and the copy machine touch again!

Finish it off, Stanley! 5 touches of the bucket on door 430!

Yes! We did it! Wow, that felt amazing.

You know, not all buckets will get this kind of experience.

They won't all know what it's like to slam repeatedly against nearly every door in one section of an office building.

Or what it's like to be employee 419.

Buckets may dream of an experience like this, but few can say they've truly lived it.

You've given a bucket hope today.

Stanley, I'm very proud of you.

Trapping Yourself Beside Room 417

Stanley took the bucket with him into this little hallway and closed the doors.

This was their hideout, no one would ever find them here.

Of course, no one would ever find them anyway because everyone was missing.

But Stanley chose to ignore this fact, and instead focus on how cool the hideout was.

Just him and the bucket, two renegade heroes against the world, inside their secret, undetectable hideout.

Here next to room 417.

What a treat.

Leaving the "Hideout"

Ah, no, apparently not.

All Left Door Endings

Two Doors Room

Stanley clutched the bucket tightly to his chest, and entered the door on his left.

Entering The Meeting Room

Still no one was here.

Stanley needed the bucket's warmth and comfort now more than ever.

Perhaps his boss' office was where he'd find answers.

Broom Closet Dialogue

Oh, Stanley... can you feel it?

The broom closet... it wants the bucket!

You can feel that, can't you? The aura of jealousy?

It's as clear as day, this broom closet believes it deserves the bucket!

I can really feel it now.

''It's a bucket, it belongs in a broom closet!" That's what the broom closet is trying to say here.

"It's supposed to go with the other cleaning supplies."

Good for you Stanley, don't give in! Don't hand over the bucket!

I know how hard it must be given the pressure that the broom closet is putting on your shoulders right now.

But you have to be strong.

This is your bucket. This is your companion and lifelong friend.

You can't hand it over. Oh no.

We're getting into name-calling now it seems. Is this how low the broom closet has sunk?

That is has to resort to this stream of petty insults simply in order to get you to hand over the bucket?

Stanley, I've never liked this broom closet for a variety of reasons, but this is even worse than I had imagined.

And wait! Now the broom closet has the gall to imply that you and the bucket are not truly deep and lasting friends?

That your relationship is purely superficial and convenient?

That your life is so banal and meaningless that you'd feel the same sort of kinship towards any inanimate object which happened to lay in your path, in an even partially-enticing manner?

Well I never!

Go on, Stanley! Lay into it!

Really tell the broom closet off its demeaning comments!

Expand on the wide variety of experiences you and the bucket have shared together!

Go through each of them point by point!

Share your journal entries detailing the rich emotional landscape of your feelings for the bucket as they have changed and evolved over the years!

Let' em have it!

Okay, I've got you something which I think will help settle this debate once and for all.

Here we go.

First Sticker

There, now it's settled!

No more debate, no more discussion.

Take a hike, broom closet!

With all your meandering philosophical diatribes about the nature of cleaning supplies and their relationship to broom closets in the natural order of things.

Alright, I've got a second sticker back here.

And I'm going to slap it on as well, because I think it's appropriate.

Second Sticker

You see, I feel that works because the sticker is also a bucket!

That way, if you're ever unsure whether the thing you're holding is a bucket or not, you can look down at this sticker and say to yourself ''Ahh! It's a bucket!"

There really is a wide variety of applications for this sticker.

You know what, I could take the name-calling and the dismissal of your kinship with the bucket, but now the broom closet is just giving us the silent treatment, and to be honest, I'm sick of the pettiness on display.

You can stay here all you like, but I've had it with this impetulant room of cleaning supplies.

Easily the most childish such room I've ever been in!

I'll see you outside, and we can get on with the story about you and your bucket.

Going Inside Again

Stanley we must move on from this broom closet, simply because I have no remaining stickers. If I did, you can guarantee we'd be in here for hours.

But alas, no stickers.

The Staircase

Coming to a staircase, Stanley and the bucket walked upstairs to the bosses office.

Mariella Ending

Going downstairs

But Stanley just couldn't do it.

He considered the possibility of facing his boss, admitting he had left his post during work hours, he might be fired for that. And in such a competitive economy, why had he taken that risk?

All because he believed everyone had vanished? His boss would think he was crazy.

And then something occurred to Stanley: Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe I am crazy. He looked down at the bucket in his arms. "Am I crazy?" He asked the bucket.

The bucket returned his gaze, but said nothing at all. "That's strange," Stanley thought. "Usually the bucket is a source of guidance and wisdom for me in difficult times such as these."

He held the bucket close, yet felt none of its familiar reassurance and comfort. And that's when Stanley realized...

"This isn't my bucket. It's just a normal every day bucket. Someone else's bucket perhaps. How did I end up with someone else's bucket? This is all terribly wrong."

Surely no good would come from this. Who knows what sorts of bizarre hallucinations Stanley might experience without the psychologically grounding presence of his bucket?

And indeed, now he noticed that the rooms were repeating, which was of course very odd.

And now he felt himself floating off the ground.

"Oh gracious!" he exclaimed. "Without my bucket I've gone truly mad! Where is it? I must find it!"

Far off in the distance now, he heard it calling to him.

"Stanley! Stanley, it's me, the bucket!"

Could it truly be? He rushed forward from room to room, passing by one bucket after the next. None of them were his. None of them were his special bucket.

"Come to me, Stanley! Find me!"

He had to find the bucket. He had to return to his old friend. It was the only way to truly restore his sanity. And then suddenly, he froze dead in his tracks.

He knew where the bucket had been coming from. The real bucket was inside of him all along. It was incredibly painful. Stanley doubled over in agony, and blacked out.

Mariella

This is the story of a woman named Mariella.

Mariella woke up on a day like any other. She arose, got dressed, picked up her bucket of comfort and security and walked to her place of work.

[Screen shows an aerial shot of a man (presumably Stanley) lying face-down on the sidewalk. Mariella is standing near, looking at him and hugging the bucket tightly in shock, suitcase on the ground by her feet.]

But on this particular day, her walk was interrupted by the body of a man who had stumbled through town talking and screaming to himself and then collapsed dead on the sidewalk.

Right away she knew what the problem was.

This man had no bucket.

Of course he'd gone mad, ranting and raving about a narrator describing all of his actions and how everything is predetermined, and free will is an illusion and it's all just a video game.

It could all have been prevented if only he'd taken his bucket with him!

Perhaps he didn't even realize he'd forgotten his bucket at home in the first place.

"How cruel the world can be," Mariella thought. And she hugged her own bucket even tighter.

But of course she had no time for this.

There were a myriad of confusing problems she would soon have to confront at work for which her bucket would provide absolute guidance and total clarity on everything.

"Heck yes," she thought to herself. "My life kicks ass!" And she backflipped all the way to work.

All Upstairs Endings

Stepping into the boss's office

Stepping into his manager's office, Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life.

Crushed by the weight of this revelation Stanley may have broken down into an emotional dumpster fire if not for the soothing presence of the bucket.

Even now in his darkest of hours did the bucket's warmth and guiding light pierce the dark clouds of confusion and chaos. It would be with him always.

The bucket would. And he knew it. The two of them were inseparable.

At this point, Stanley was so absorbed in the tender spiritual connection he shared with the bucket that he didn't notice the keypad behind the boss's desk.

Nor in his bliss of simply being near the bucket did he have any notion that the pin number for the keypad was 2-8-4-5

Pressing the number 3

The bucket did not react, except - except for perhaps a tiny glow of warmth. Subtle, yes, but an unmistakable spark from somewhere deep within.

Entering the code

But Stanley guessed the correct code by sheer luck! Was it that the bucket knew all along? Was the bucket guiding him? Yes, this is certainly the most logical explanation.

Going down the elevator

The elevator raced downward, plummeting towards an unknown fate. It would be all Stanley could do to keep himself together if not for the bucket

soothing him, comforting him reassuring that in this darkest moment of uncertainty, he would be alright.

The bucket is here for you, Stanley. Everything will be fine.

Elevator ending

Going up the elevator

"Wait!" Stanley said to the bucket. "Can we go back up?

When I was pressing those keypad buttons, there was something very intriguing about the number 3. I want to go back so I can try pressing the number 3 again!"

The bucket said nothing.

Returning to the Boss's Office for the first time

"Here we are," said Stanley. "Now I'm going to try out that number 3 button!"

He took the bucket over to the keypad and began absolutely slamming on the number 3, over and over and over.

Standing still at the Boss's Office

After taking some time to show the bucket around the boss's office Stanley at last went to the keypad where he began eagerly pressing the number 3 again and again.

Pressing the number 3 repeatedly

"Wow!" he said, "the number 3 is such a special button! I'm having the time of my life!"

Stanley looked expectantly at the bucket, but the bucket remained silent.

This was a shock to Stanley, who had always felt such a connection with the bucket. How was this not as exciting to the bucket as it was to him?

Once Stanley had had enough of the number 3, he got back in the elevator.

Going back down the elevator

Perhaps the bucket had missed something.

Perhaps it had not seen how much joy Stanley got from slamming the number 3 repeatedly.

Potentially returning to the main path

A hint of regret nagged in the back of Stanley's mind.

Should he demonstrate the number 3 for the bucket again?

Going back up the elevator again

"No, no, no, no, no," Stanley said to the bucket.

"You can't go on yet. Not 'til you understand how much the number 3 means to me! You and I have been through so much together, and I just want you to see what I see, feel the happiness I feel."

He smiled at the bucket, and the bucket said nothing.

Returning to the Boss's Office again

"Here we go," said Stanley, "this time I'll really show you!"

He ran to the number 3 and began to whale on it like a musician on a beloved instrument, weaving a concerto of truth and passion.

He wielded the number 3 like a fine artist would wield a paintbrush.

He told stories through the number 3, stories of his dreams and hopes and fears.

And the whole time, he looked to his bucket for a reaction of some kind, anything to let him know that the bucket appreciated what he was doing.

The bucket conveyed absolutely nothing at all. Only silence.

Crushed by a wave of dejection, Stanley returned to the elevator.

Going back down the elevator again

Stanley and the bucket were so close, they'd always been there for one another.

Why suddenly could the bucket not connect with this passion of Stanley's? The question caused Stanley to ruminate the whole way down the elevator.

He knew that there must be a way to get through to the bucket, to communicate fully with his dear friend. Surely there was a solution, mustn't there be?

Going up the elevator for a third time

"Ahaha!" said Stanley. "I know what to do! I know how to fully express this feeling in my heart!"

He decided right then and there that he would hold a press conference where he would speak to the public on all matters related to pressing the number 3 over and over.

He would elaborate fully on what the number 3 meant to him, and why he felt so alive when pressing it. Then the bucket would be able to see his joy through the eyes of others.

It would get to see the world react to this discovery of Stanley's. And it would be through the public eye that the bucket would finally understand Stanley's work.

At the Press Conference

Exiting the elevator

For months, he advertised and marketed his press conference, building excitement around it, developing and rehearsing it until it couldn't be refined a single measure further.

When the big day arrived, Stanley was as prepared as he'd ever been for anything in his life.

Through the door

This was it. One last chance to win the bucket over. One opportunity to share a true connection with a loved one.

On the stage

There was no one here.

Nobody had come to the press conference to hear Stanley speak. To listen to him talk about what it really means to press the number 3 on a keypad over and over.

He was unloved, uninteresting, he was a failure. And in that moment, Stanley knew that the bucket would never again take him seriously.

There would be no connection, no deeper understanding.

The bucket merely sat there in his arms, indifferent.

And so it began that slowly, over many years, the two of them grew more and more distant.

They spoke less and less, neither wishing to state the obvious that any sense of real respect between them had eroded since that day at the press conference.

There would be no more games, no more long conversations about passion and pursuit. Only a silence that consumed the space between friends.

And Stanley, having for once in his life discovered the warmth and comfort of true companionship, was cast back into the unremarkable normalcy of loneliness.

Getting to the Mind Control Facility

Stanley and the bucket walked straight ahead through the large door that read 'Mind Control Facility'.

Museum ending

Walking down Escape Hallway

Although this passageway had the word 'escape' written on it, the truth was that at the end of this hall, Stanley and the bucket would meet their violent death.

The door behind them was not shut. Stanley and the bucket still had every opportunity to turn around and get back on track.

At this point, Stanley and the bucket were knowingly walking forward into a very painful death for each of them.

Turning around out of Escape Hallway

But of course, Stanley and the bucket thought better of it, and realized they simply had too much to live for.

Returning to Escape Hallway after turning around

Nope, it's death for Stanley and the bucket.

Approaching the Metal Jaws

As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley and the bucket inched closer to their demise, Stanley reflected on how meaningless the bucket's warmth and comfort had turned out to be.

To be sure, it puts the mind and the soul at ease to embrace the bucket but what use is a sense of ease when you're about to be crushed to death?

This is what Stanley thought to himself and he sort of kicked himself for wasting so much time carrying a bucket everywhere.

Farewell, Stanley.

Female Narrator (Entering Museum)

"Farewell Stanley", cried the Narrator, as Stanley and the bucket were led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws.

In a single visceral instant, the bucket's life came to an end as it was crushed violently to death.

It was a shame, the death of such a magnificent bucket.

It's true that all buckets are radiant in their own way but this one stood above the rest.

It was a glorious bucket to behold.

Can you see how arrogant it was for Stanley to take a bucket like this and to claim it for his own?

Can you see the hubris that blinded him?

Can you see that the bucket is far more noble than Stanley will ever be in his short life?

Before picking up the bucket

No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one.

It is man who should kneel before the bucket.

Female Narrator (Exiting Museum)

But there is something we can do.

Something we can do together, you and I, that will right this terrible wrong.

Let Stanley die. Let him be crushed by the machine.

Don't reset the game.

Don't give him another opportunity to run off with another beautiful bucket.

We can save the world's buckets from their treatment as tools and implements if only we let Stanley die together.

The bucket shall take its place as ruler, as leader

as commander of a new world, a new vision for -

At the Mind Control Facility

Bottom Of The Mind Control Ending

But just as Stanley was about to proceed further into the mind control facility he tripped and fell over the railing and into the dark void below.

Thankfully he fell directly onto the bucket, which safely cushioned his fall.

Now what to do next, Stanley wondered.

Stanley and the bucket could find no way out of this enormous pit and so eventually they decided that the best thing to do would be to simply get comfortable down here.

Setting up a bucket's home

So they set up a little couch and relaxed. It really wasn't so bad down here. A bit cold, perhaps.

After some time had gone by, they installed a few shelves as well and a sort of kitchenette that was useful for when the bucket was craving paninis.

But it wasn't until the rugs and the standing lamps came in that it really started to feel like a home. in fact, after some time Stanley realized that it had been ages since he had even thought of the mind control facility at all! He'd never gotten to fully explore what was up there never been able to unearth the many mysteries of the mind control facility. This lack of closure began to eat at him. Soon he was dwelling on his regrets. And the state of their home slow decayed as Stanley became withdrawn and neglected the cleaning.

Making a mess at the bucket's home

It unsettled the bucket deeply. Stanley wasn't usually like this.

The bucket tried to reach out to him again and again, but to no avail.

All Stanley could think about, all he could talk about, was going back doing it over again, staying on the path.

"It was a mistake to leave the path, it was a mistake, it was a mistake, I need to do what the narrator says, I need to see the true ending."

This made no sense at all to the bucket, which was simply trying to live its live down here as comfortably as possible. Yet Stanley was unconsolable.

"This isn't an ending. this is just a hole in the ground!"

The bucket sighed. True it wasn't an ending, but it's where we happened to be.

And maybe, possibly, if we accept the reality of things, maybe this will become an ending eventually.

It's what the bucket was counting on.

The two of them waited for a very long time.

Pushing the light button

The lights rose on an enormous room packed with television screens.

What horrible secret did this place hold, Stanley and the bucket Wonder to themselves.

Pushing the camera button

The monitors jumped to life, and Stanley nearly dropped the bucket in shock.

Everyone in the office was being videotaped, monitored like guinea pigs.

The bucket had never seen anything like this, and it very nearly burst into tears as Stanley cradled it gently, reassuring it that everything would be fine.

Pushing the elevator button

Was the bucket under the Mind Control Facility's influence as well?

Had the bucket been told to do things it didn't wish to do?

What kinds of things does a bucket want to do or not want to do in the first place? These questions raced furiously in Stanley's feeble mind.

Riding the elevator

"NO!" he screamed into the bucket. He couldn't accept it; his own life in someone else's control? Never!

He squeezed the bucket tighter, his one friend in the entire world.

At this point, he could trust no one except for the bucket.

Getting out of the elevator

But here was the proof. The heart of the operation.

Controls labelled with emotions: 'happy' or 'sad' or 'content'.

Walking, eating, working... all of it monitored and commanded from this very place.

And as the cold reality of his past began to sink in, Stanley decided that this machinery would never again exert it's terrible power over another human life.

For he and the bucket would dismantle the controls for good.

Two best friends, Stanley and the bucket, up against the world.

They high-fived in a really cool way and the bucket made a sassy comment about taking down the system.

When at last they found the source of the room's power Stanley and the bucket knew it was their obligation, to put an end to this horrible place and to everything it stood for.

Pressing the "on" button (Birds ending)

But at the last second, the bucket jumped in and pressed the button to turn on the controls! Stanley gasped in horror.

Had this been the bucket's plan all along, to take over the machine and claim the power for itself?

How could the bucket have betrayed him like this?

Stanley was prepared to throw the bucket away in disgust when suddenly an image appeared upon the enormous screen. [Screen turns on again]

Birds. Silly... silly birds. The control buttons became active again.

[Few seconds later] Stanley flipped through one video of silly birds after another. And then it dawned on him. This wasn't a mind control facility at all.

It was a facility for monitoring and surveilling silly birds all over the world!

The mind controls were only a facade to disguise its true intentions.

Had the bucket known this all along? Stanley marveled at the metal genius in his hands.

The one who had pointed him toward this incredible discovery.

Stanley and the bucket never found freedom, because they spent the rest of their lives here in this place flipping through livestreams of the silliest birds imaginable.

Of all the possible paths his live could have taken, this one was surely the best.

And Stanley was happy.

Pressing the "off" button (Trapped ending)

Stanley and the bucket waited in blackness was it over? [door starts to open]

Yes! They had done it!

Stanley and the bucket had defeated their greatest and darkest enemy freed themselves from the tyrannical grip of the evil mind control machine. Freedom was now mere moments away!

Excitedly, the two of them began to discuss the kind of life they wanted to live once they stepped through this massive door.

The bucket wanted to learn to roller skate. Stanley wanted to sneeze in every country on earth.

Both of them wanted to begin watching a movie. any movie then stop it halfway through and begin watching it in reverse from the end.

True, it was simple life they envisioned. But it was one they'd live together. With one another to lean on, to trust, to support, and to-

[Door stops halfway]

What... Wait... What was happening? Why had the door stopped? Were Stanley and the bucket not about to be freed?

An unbearable silence filled the room, lingering in uncertainty. Until finally, the truth hit Stanley square in the face.

This building did not want the bucket to leave! [Door closes back up]

Even the facility itself recognized the incredible calming presence of the bucket needed the soothing warmth of the bucket, would go to any lengths not to part with the bucket.

No, no, no. Stanley can't leave this place. Not while he has such a precious bucket in his arms. Not while this building has anything to say about it. [Door completely closes]

Stanley realized he would never again leave this very room. But at least... at least he has the bucket.

"To be trapped eternally in darkness isn't really so bad," Stanley thought to himself. "As long as I have my bucket with me, right? I'll be okay, won't I?"

Stanley gulped. Very soon now, he was about to find out.

All Right Door Endings

Taking the door on the right

This was not the correct way to the meeting room,

but Stanley had felt the bucket calling to him telling that the employee lounge was simply the place to be

In the employee lounge

And here it was. Had the bucket turned out to be correct? Was this better than the meeting room? "Yes," Stanley thought to himself. "Yes perhaps it truly was." How insightful the bucket turned out to be.

[After a few seconds] Truly, being here with the bucket was a grand adventure. Stanley reflected on all they'd been through together. First walking through the door on the right then walking to the lounge, then arriving at the lounge. What a thrilling journey the bucket had inspired.

[After a few more seconds]Perhaps this was where the bucket felt most truly at home. Here in the employee lounge. Perhaps it's the only place a bucket even can feel at home.

[After even more seconds] Stanley decided to just give the bucket absolutely as much time as it needed to be in the lounge. Clearly the bucket and the employee lounge shared a special connection.

Exiting the employee lounge

• No, never mind. The bucket was wrong. Stanley took the door on his left to go back to the meeting room.
• But finally the bucket was done being in the lounge and they took the first open door on their left to get back to business.

The Bucket Destroyer ending

In the maintenance section

And the two of them detoured through the maintenance section and walked straight ahead to the opposite door.

Riding the maintenance elevator

Oh good, Stanley! I'm glad you're found your way here.

I knew you'd find this place eventually.

Getting out of the maintenance elevator

[Greeted by The original Stanley Parable Characters]

You see, your friends and I are concerned for you, Stanley. We've come together here because we care about you, very much.

It's this bucket you're carrying around everywhere.

The bucket isn't even from the original Stanley Parable, it's just sequel content!

We're the ones that matter Stanley! Classic characters from the first game like The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™ and the broom closet.

Because that's what fans want from a sequel, they want more of their favorite jokes not this bucket that they've never seen before.

Yes I know I'm the one that gave you the bucket, but you're spending too much time with it.

Don't you want another story involving the Adventure Line™? We could make the Adventure Line™ go somewhere new! [Gate opens as truck makes room for you] Yes, yes, that's what fans want, let's do it!

Following The Stanley Parable Adventure Line™

Weeeee! look at that wacky Line™! Who knows where It™ will go off to next? Oh, and It™ played some silly music as well.

["Following Stanley" plays for old times sake]

[after Stanley goes through a room] Now this is what The Stanley Parable is all about! Don't you remember all great jokes from the original dialogue? "Also, Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers."

[Chuckles] Yes, it's as classic now as is was back then! Let's do it for the fans, Stanley. Let's give them more content exactly like this.

But if we want to do that, you're going to have to give something up.

[After going down the stairs]

Don't you get it Stanley? We need to get rid of the bucket. That's why I'm very proud to introduce a brand new character.

This is the Bucket Destroyer.

The Bucket Destroyer

[Lights turned on] I think it'll make a wonderful new addition to the rich lore of The Stanley Parable.

True, it also was not in the original game but it's such a well fleshed-out character with so much personality that, to me, it already feels as though it's been a part of the cast all along, don't you agree?

[Bucket destroyer turns on]

Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you.

[Gate opens up as narrator forced him to destroy the bucket] Go ahead now, Stanley. Say goodbye to the bucket, and then pop it into the machine when you're ready.

[Few seconds more} Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait! [Bucket Destroyer is revving a little bit]

Sure, I can hear you saying: "How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to join the pantheon of beloved Stanley Parable characters?"

Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ten personality traits!

What other object in this game can you even say that about? The broom closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this. [Bucket Destroyer is revving aggressively]

Okay, the Bucket Destroyer is getting very upset now, you'll have to hurry and feed it! We can't get back to the classic Stanley Parable characters like the Adventure Line™ or the Bucket Destroyer until you crush that damn bucket!

[Bucket Destroyer can't handle this much revving pleasure] Quickly now, the fans are waiting! Do it for the fans, Stanley! Give the fans what they want! Hurry and cru- [everything explodes,]

Rest. In. Peace. The Bucket Destroyer (2022-2022)

The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential.

We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you.

All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend.

For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent.

All Straight Ahead Endings

Going Straight Ahead

"No!" said the bucket, "Don't go to the meeting room. Go somewhere else. The cargo lift, yes. Go there. Go to the cargo lift."

Jumping off the platform (Separation ending)

But Stanley feared that any path he walked might lead to the separation of himself and the bucket, his dearest friend.

So he threw himself to his death, that they might die in one another's arms. How deeply touching.

Getting on the Lift and Quickly Getting Off (Cushion ending)

Oh, well, look who's got cold feet. Well, from here it looks like the only way forward is down since the lift won't be coming back. But that's okay, you got a bucket!

Did you know that buckets are routinely used as cushioning devices? It's true! You can fall from literally any height and survive!

I'm serious Stanley, jump! Jump with the bucket! I promise you'll live! I extra double promise that you can land on the bucket and not die!

Jumping off the platform

Oops, looks like I was wrong. How clumsy of me.

("Evidence #252")

Okay, this is day number 295, tape number... I don't even know, I've lost track.

Nothing feels real anymore.

The longer I study this bucket the less sense anything makes. (The recording gets louder and clearer, as if he was the actual narrator instead of a tape recording)

The sheer euphoria I feel every time I pick it up, no matter how many times I've done it, it's always the same feeling.

And the emptiness in my chest when I set it down.

It doesn't make sense!

There's no explanation for it!

I still haven't figured out why I see the world so differently when this bucket is in my arms.

Why everything feels so...

What do I do with this treasure?

I can... I can monetize it.

Yes...

It's unthinkable the amounts of money people will pay for even just an hour with the bucket.

This is my golden ticket.

But I have to be careful, because as soon as this gets out there's going to be a target on my back.

Even now, I don't know who might be trying to get -

[Strange otherworldly noises]

What's that? Who's there?

[Whispering]

Gambhorra'ta...

Unused Narrator tape ending

Stanley and the bucket had discovered the truth. The terrible reality, that the narrator had been a tape recording all along.

This explained so much, everything fell into place now.

Except for one small detail. How had the bucket known to jump to this exact spot where the tape recorder simply happened to be?

How could it be possible, except, except that it was the bucket all along who had created the tapes!

It was the bucket who had sent Stanley on this wild mission, running up and down empty office hallways!

With the tape off, and the voice of the narrator now completely gone...

There was nothing but the bitter silence, as Stanley came to grips with this terrible realization, that his friend had betrayed-

-Into grips with this terrible realization, that his friend had betrayed-

[continues repeating then fades out]

*Laughs* I got you again Stanley, it's still all just a prank and your bucket is still just an inanimate object, incapable of friendship or betrayal.

Wow, it's incredible how much mileage I've gotten out of this tape recorder prank.

Walking Onto the Platform

"Good" said the bucket. "Now ride the lift all the way to the top. There's something up there I need you to do."

Stanley did not question why or how this bucket was speaking to him. It should have alarmed him of course, because buckets can't talk. But Stanley chose not to think about this obvious fact.

He was firmly convinced that the bucket had spoken to him and he unthinkingly did whatever the bucket asked.

In the big room

"In here," said the bucket. "Go in this dark room over here." Stanley once again obeyed blindly.

In the phone room

"Now pick up the phone," said the bucket.

"Pick up the phone, and it will take us back home, where we can go about life together."

Bucket's order ending (answering the phone)

This is a sad story about a man named Stanley and his bucket.

Once upon a time, I gave Stanley a bucket because I thought he was lonely and could use a friend. And then, very distressingly, he began to believe the bucket could speak to him.

Prompt: Hello Stanley, it's me, your bucket! Press [key] to take me to work with you.

The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket was merely meant to provide the comforting glow of companionship. It doesn't literally talk and give you orders. Whatever Stanley is hearing the bucket say to him is just in his head.

Prompt: Press [key] to take me back home with you.

Lately I've been concerned about him. Wouldn't you be concerned as well? To see him delusional like this, obsessing over an inanimate metal object? I want to say something to him, but I don't know how I can convince him, I don't know if he'll listen to me.

Prompt: Press [key] to go back to work.

Oh, I'll try anyway. Stanley! Can you hear me? Listen to me, it's just a bucket. It can't think, it can't talk. All it ever truly do for you is effectively transfer a liquid from one location to a different location! That's it. It doesn't do anything else.

Prompt: Don't listen to the loud man. Press [key] for us to go back home.

[Sigh] You see? He's not listening. He's still taking orders from the bucket. You know, once upon a time it was me he took orders from! Me he trusted and listened to. Now all he cares about is this awful bucket, this stupid hunk of metal.

Prompt: Press [key] to ignore anyone in your life except me.

It's sad, but I suppose he doesn't need me anymore. From now on, he's just going to cling to this bucket, this cold, empty bucket. This... sort of shiny... bucket. Hmm. I'll give it this, the bucket does have a nice shine to it.

Prompt: You believe I'm real, don't you Stanley? Press [key] to go back home.

Yes I suppose on closer inspection that it doesn't quite look like your average hardware store bucket. It's just a little more, um, what am I trying to say? Sturdier? More capable of transporting liquid? Like it would be better at moving an amount of water from one room to another?

Prompt: Press [key] to relive this same day with me, over and over.

Oh my god. what am I saying? "Better at carrying water from room to room?" It's a bucket! It's literally just a bucket! Why do I feel some need to point out the ways in which it's... so much more than just a regular bucket?

Prompt: Press [key] to go home to work to home to work to home.

Oh no, I'm - I'm having feelings. For the bucket.

No, no no, no, no, no, no, no, what's going on? Why do I want to be with the bucket, hear what the bucket has to say do anything it asks, what's wrong with me? I don't understand! Perhaps... perhaps if I had the bucket this would be less confusing, yes! The bucket could tell me what to do in this troublesome situation!

[Narrator needs Stanley's bucket]

Stanley, give me the bucket! Give it to me! Give me the bucket, Stanley! I need it! Give it to me, now! Give it, or I'll - [Eyes closed]

Prompt: Close your eyes

Prompt: Go back to work, Stanley

[Resets the game]

Unplugging the phone (Comedic timing ending.)

Whoa! Hold on, why did you unplug the phone?

Were you trying to resist the bucket's orders? Stanley, I was joking!

Obviously the bucket isn't talking to you and telling you to do things.

Buckets can't talk, it was a joke! Don't you get the joke? It's funny, Stanley! A talking bucket!

Can't you see how - oh goodness! I must have really bungled up the delivery if you actually took me seriously.

Where did I mess up the joke? Should I have paused for longer? Or spoken quicker?

[Groan] Comedic timing is so difficult. I wish I were better at it.

But there isn't exactly an instructional video on comedy that one can watch to fully -

Oh wait, yes there is! Um. It's sitting right here. Let's take a look.

What is Comedic Timing video

What is comedic timing? What is... comedic... timing? How does it work? How long should it last? How can it be used to effectively silence your political enemies? And more importantly, can it be taught in its entirety within 90 seconds? Thankfully, the answer to all of these questions is - yes. Let's dive deeper.

If you've ever told a joke or made someone laugh, in all likelihood, you did it while standing 50-80 centimetres from them, in a room of no more than 76 degrees Fahrenheit, with one of your arms raised straight upward at a fifteen degree angle from your body. These are the optimal conditions for good comedic timing.

To begin the joke, start by stating and spelling your name. Next, provide a brief synopsis of the joke, including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh. And then spell out your name a second time. With these steps complete, it's time to begin the humor.

Speak the entire joke in no more than eighteen seconds, and no less than thirteen and a half, pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary. When the joke has concluded, it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice, "I'm doney with the funny!"

Let's practice screaming: "I'm doney with the funny!" now.

[A practice screen appears for a few seconds.]

Good. This saying is a perfect example of expectations management which is the cornerstone of good comedy.

Finally, it's time to hand out surveys. Collecting hard data from your audience on how rapt they were throughout the joke is the only way to grow or learn as a comedian. An effective survey should be no less than ten pages long, and should include the same question reprinted several times, just to ensure the survey taker is actually paying attention and not simply filling in answers at random.

And that's all there is. With these strategies at your disposal you'll have audiences doubled over in laughter, and even tripled over in laughter, in no time at all. Just remember to let them stop laughing at some point, you gut-busting little scamp!

After all, we're each of us needed on the front lines of the war to fight the twelve-legged invaders who threaten our very existence, and are very likely to die in a hailstorm of bullets and mandibles. All of us must be prepared to give our lives to this noble cause, just as our children must do after us, and their children after them. God speed, and may Earth reign supreme!

Back in the room

Hey, goodness, this video's a little outdated. isn't it?

Well no matter, I think the fundamentals of proper comedic timing are still as relevant today as they were back then.

So with that in mind, I believe the only way forward is for us to return to the two doors and walk through all of this again so that I can try telling my story with more appropriate comedic delivery.

Come along, let's head back.

Back on the lift

I can feel it this time, I'm really going to nail the delivery! You'll be in stitches! "A talking bucket," you'll say, "how ridiculous! How absurd! What a hilarious concept!" The King of Comedy, that's what you'll call me.

Thank goodness we had the instructional video, otherwise who knows where we'd be right now. Well I wouldn't be the King of Comedy, that's for sure!

Leaving the lift

"The bucket spoke to Stanley..." Hmm. "The bucket SPOKE... The BUCKET spoke..." Oh I'll figure it out on the fly, no need to overthink things.

Back in the room with two doors

Here we go! You ready? [clears throat] When Stanley and the bucket came to a set of two open doors, they entered the door on their left.

Back in the phone room (after took the right door)

Wh-? W-we're back at the phone already? No, no, no, what's going on?

There were supposed to be several rooms leading up to this! There was supposed to be a build up to this point.

A dramatic display of remarkable comedic wit which culminates in this scene with the phone!

But now the timing's completely off the joke will never land, not the way it was meant to. And it's all my fault.

I must have forgotten the phone room comes immediately after the two doors room. What an egregious mistake!

I have made a fool of myself. I don't deserve the title of king of comedy. I'm nothing. I'm not even the lowliest joke-telling whelp.

I think - I thing I need to go back and rewatch that instructional video again. Yes, surely that will help me improve my - [screen goes black]

Two doors room (After getting one of the sub-endings, but not both)

Here we go! You ready? [clears throat] When Stanley and the bucket came to a set of two open doors, they entered the door on their left.

Entering the left door again (but scolded by the narrator)

No, no, no, no, no, you were supposed to go through the door on the right, leading back to the phone.

Did you not even look at the instructional video? I think this was all covered very clearly.

There's no way I can make the comedic timing work now, it's done.

The joke is completely done and over. It's all your fault, Stanley!

I'm going to be ridiculed in the community of other joke writers.

I'm going to be shamed at every one of our meetings from now on. All because you couldn't watch a simple video and take a hint.

Are you proud of yourself for bringing me down, Stanley? Are you proud of - [screen goes black]

Above the two doors room (Credits; after getting both sub-endings)

Stanley! You love the bucket so much it's like you - [suppressing laughter] It's as though all of your other most prized possessions PAIL in comparison! Yes... let me try that again, Stanley.

I heard that you are pail with shame over how unabashedly in love with a bucket you are! No? Still nothing? Is it the delivery?

PAIL with shame... pail with shame...? pail... What's another word to describe a bucket?

Stanley, this bucket is so metal I think I saw it playing guitar! No... no, no, no, no.

We're getting away from making fun of Stanley's obsession with the bucket, which was the whole point of this. I'm just - I'm no good at these jokes.

I need more instructional videos, that's exactly what it is.

That's what will make me the king of comedy again. More instructional videos. Let's see. Let's see.

Narrator locks two colored doors (No buckets ending)

No, stop! Look there on the wall! You see? There's a sign right there! It says: "No buckets past this point."

Stanley, how could you think it was okay to bring the bucket here? Unless... what if the problem here is that you actually don't know what is a bucket and what isn't a bucket.

I suppose that would explain a lot about your behavior up to this point. Which, if that's true, well, my goodness I think we have to do something about it!

This misunderstanding could have dire consequences on the entire rest of the game if not addressed quickly and properly.

So much of the impact of the story is dependent on your understanding of what is and isn't a bucket. [Gate opens up] Please, step in here for a moment.

Arrive at the quiz game titled "Is This A Bucket?"

Now then, I'm going to run you through some test scenarios and you'll tell me whether or not the thing I'm showing you is a bucket. Simple enough, right? This should tell us everything we'll ever need to know about what is or is not a bucket.

Okay, let's begin. [Game start]

Question #1

Item 1: Is this a bucket?

• Correct. This is a hologram of a bucket, not an actual bucket.
• Incorrect. This is a hologram of a bucket, not an actual bucket.

Question #2

Item 2: Is this a bucket?

• Correct. This is a 3D printed recreation of a bucket, not an actual bucket.
• Incorrect. This is a 3D printed recreation of a bucket, not an actual bucket.

Question #3

Item 3: Is this a bucket?

• Correct. This is a bucket.
• Incorrect. This is a bucket.

Question #4

Item 4: Is this a bucket?

• Correct. This is a tractor, and not a bucket. To be honest, I just sort of put this one in here as a gimme. But I was starting to get concerned that even this might be too much for you. Thank you for not making me look like an idiot. Okay, next one.
• Wha- Are you hallucinating? This is a tractor It's an enormous machine that tills the earth! I thought this was a gimme, how on earth did you manage to screw it up? Absolutely incredible! Let's move on to the next one.

Question #5

Is this a bucket?

• Correct. This is a bucket.
• Incorrect. This is a bucket.

Question #6

Item 6: Is this a bucket?

Trick question! Both! Gotcha!

Question #7

Item - wait, hold on, I can't find the next one. Let me see, Should be around here somewhere.

• Yes, thank you! There's nothing here! Of course it isn't a bucket! We both know full well that nothing isn't a bucket! Wait, when I say: "Nothing isn't a bucket" that makes it sounds like I'm saying: "everything is a bucket." Unless... is that what you think? Answer me straight Stanley. Are you trying to tell me that you believe everything is a bucket?
• Okay, you and I both know that there isn't anything here and I don't appreciate the implication that nothing is a bucket when both clearly know that a bucket is something and therefore nothing could possible be something! Unless, in your twisted mind have you somehow convinced yourself that a bucket is nothing? Answer me straight Stanley. Do you believe that nothing is a bucket?

Answering question Number Eight that didn't matter

You know what, I'm too confused to even sort it out. I've lost all sense of perspective.

What is a bucket? What isn't a bucket? Mere moments ago I could answer these questions with confidence. And yet now I'm somewhat adrift.

Do any of us know what a bucket is? Am I a bucket?

[Unable to answer question number Nine]

Stanley, I can't keep doing this. I'm losing myself, and myself was all I ever had to begin with.

I'm afraid the bucket is threatening to tear our relationship apart I can't have that, I'm sorry.

I'm going to erase all buckets from the game entirely. Okay, here we go. [Finger snapped]

Narrator erased every single buckets including the game show

What happened? is everything gone? Why did everything disappear? Wait... Was everything a bucket?

Every single thing in the game was a bucket? My god, I had no idea.

How could - Except me! I am not a bucket after all! And you Stanley, you're still here, you're not a bucket either!

Oh, this is wonderful news, we're not buckets! Yes, I actually feel much more at ease right now.

It's delightful to get some clarity on that issue. But it doesn't change the fact that we haven't got a game.

So, tell you what, I'll reset everything and we'll put back all of the buckets, okay? And we'll know that it's all a bucket.

But if you run into anyone else, maybe don't mention that. Who knows what that information might do to a person?

Alright, here we go.

New Content Ending

Introduction

Announcer:

Hello, and thank you for playing The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe!

As you may know, The Stanley Parable was a video game released in 2013 on home computers.

After receiving critical and commercial success, it was expanded upon in 2022 with The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, a reimagining of the game for consoles and home computers.

The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe features exciting new content that broadens and expands the world of The Stanley Parable, delighting audiences the world over!

Please step inside and see what thrilling new adventures await in The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe.

Narrator: Oh, well, this sounds delightful! I'm very excited to see the thrilling new Ultra Deluxe content.

First Elevator

Wait Stanley, I've just now realized.

That bucket you're holding, it's the bucket I've been working on for my sequel.

How did you get your hands on it? Isn't this the preview to the sequel? How do you have the bucket already?

This - this makes no sense at all.

Hold on, did I already show you my ideas for the sequel? I don't remember doing that at all.

You're seeing things all out of order!

Second Elevator after revisiting the jump circle

The infinite hole, the giant door, did you see them already?

Stanley, none of them are ready yet, I'm still developing them! They're not even close to finished!

How did they look when you saw them? Were they captivating? Were they exciting?

Did they fulfill on the promise of everything that a sequel to Stanley Parable could possibly be?

Had I figured out how the hell to make a sequel to this game?

Final Room

Wait, if you're still carrying the bucket around with you, if the bucket is interesting to you, that means I must have made it correctly! Yes, you carrying the bucket with you everywhere is exactly what I set out to accomplish!

The bucket is the exciting and captivating new content that I promised! I did it! I win! I made a sequel to The Stanley Parable!

Yes, the sign is correct, thank you for enjoying the new content.

Thank you for taking the bucket everywhere with you, clinging tightly to the bucket, never letting it go.

It means I've won, it means I am victorious over the gamers.

It is a sweet salve of victory on my soul!

Thank you for enjoying the new content.

The bucket is The Stanley Parable now. They are one and the same.

There is no Stanley Parable without the bucket.

I win! I win! I win, I win, I win! I win! I win! I win, I win, I win!

Revisiting The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket at Sequel ending

Wait, there are two buckets here? How did you get a second bucket?

Oh no! the warmth and comfort of a single bucket is already so great!

So intoxicatingly wonderful! With two buckets there's no telling - Stanley, can you still hear me? Are you with me?

(Narrator blows up two buckets including Stanley's hands)

Stanley! Oh thank god, I didn't lose you. Stanley, the power of two buckets was too much.

I had to destroy both of them. I know how much the bucket meant to you, but I couldn't take the risk.

I hope one day you can forgive me.