This page contains the narration for the Press Conference Ending.
Normal version[]
Going back up (first time)[]
Whoops; nope, never mind! Stanley actually got back into the elevator and went back up! Silly me! Why did Stanley do that, when he knew that it would just lead back to his boss's office? Well, that's a great question, I just can't wait to find out.
Returning to the Boss's Office for the first time[]
Here we are Stanley, it's your boss's office! Exactly the way it was before you got onto the elevator. It's still just exactly what it is. What a decision you've made to come up here and look at the office again. This has fleshed out the plot of the story in new and fascinating ways I could have never anticipated. It's that keen eye for storytelling that you have, an incisive rapid fire of critical plot points, one after the other, weaving a rich tapestry of uncompromising narrative! Wow! [Chuckles] I'm bolted to the edge of my seat!
Going back down (first time)[]
Incredible. Now he's getting back into the elevator and going down again? Ladies and gentlemen, how does he keep coming up with all this?
Potentially returning to the main path[]
Going back up (second time)[]
Did you think we were going to go forward down the spooky corridor? No! It's time once again to go back up in the elevator! I can't even begin to grapple with what might be up there. Is it the boss's office again? Or what if it's the boss's office this time? The suspense is killing me!
Returning to the Boss's Office again[]
Oh my god... it's the boss's office. [Sigh] This absolutely changes everything for me. Give me a time out here while I process this.
[On Hold]
Okay, I'm ready. I'm prepared to embrace this stunning revelation, and to move forward with- No! No wait! No, I need more time to process.
[On Hold again]
Alright, I have fully come to terms with it. I have made space in my worldview for this astonishing new reality. As before, I turn to your expert eye for gripping narrative, Master Stanley.
Going back down (second time)[]
Of course. Going back down in the elevator. How did I not anticipate it? I mean, sure, now it's obvious. But you have to understand that thirty seconds ago, this kind of thing had never been attempted before. I had no frame of reference to even anticipate it! That's just how revelatory Stanley's decision-making is. A breath of fresh air in a landscape of storytelling that has grown stale and repetitive.
Final elevator ride[]
Hmm... You know what? I just thought of something. Hold on, let's stop for a moment. (elevator stops)
Don't you realise? It's the anticipation, Stanley. You and I, we have no way of knowing what will be at the top of this elevator. But the suspense! The agony of waiting, and anticipating, and having to guess! That's the real thrill! Oh, I simply don't want to let that feeling go! It's so precious, so fleeting! Why don't we take this elevator ride nice and slow? (elevator starts again, but slower)
There we go. Isn't this so much more exciting? You know Stanley, it seems like nowadays the only thing that audiences want is to be shocked as loudly and frequently as possible. They want big explosive moments flung right in their faces from the very moment that things get started. But where's the tension? Where's the trust in the audience to build a slow and nuanced appreciation for the story, the characters? Why aren't we given time to imagine the surprises? To have to think and to anticipate, and then to marvel at the eventual reveal?
This is storytelling, Stanley! What you and I are doing right now, this is the most exciting narrative to be developed in years! And it's really all because of you! You're the one who took this bold step of revisiting the exact same locations over and over. Truly, I mean it. This is unique and different. It's not like anything else out there. You see, I want stories that surprise me, Stanley! I want to have to think. I want to be engaged, and not pandered to. We're being fed such unimaginative drivel all the time, and we all know it. Which is why we're so starved for content that makes us feel sharp and vital and alive!
That's why people like you so much, Stanley! Because you're not afraid to spit in the face of tradition. You're a role model, you know? People look up to you. Which is why- Oh, I didn't know when to spring this on you but, well, I've gathered a little press conference for you, so that you can talk about your work and your storytelling and your life. Yes, I know you're not much for the public eye, but I thought it would especially mean a lot to the people who have been following you from the beginning. They really look up to you, Stanley! I don't know if you realise the impact you have on them. This is the kind of gesture that might leave a tremendous impact on them for the better.
Oh good. We're here.
Entering the Press Conference site[]
Okay, the room where we're holding the press conference should be just around the corner here somewhere.
Ah yes, here it is. Just through this door.
Backstage before the show[]
Alright. Are you ready? I've told them you're going to speak a little bit about the nature of surprise in storytelling, and what it means to craft a truly unpredictable narrative. Oh don't worry! You'll do great! Just be yourself and speak from the heart! I- I'm really proud of you, Stanley.
Okay, it looks like they're ready for you. Go get 'em!
Bucket version[]
Going back up (first time)[]
"Wait!" Stanley said to the bucket. "Can we go back up? When I was pressing those keypad buttons, there was something very intriguing about the number 3. I want to go back so I can try pressing the number 3 again!" The bucket said nothing.
Returning to the Boss's Office for the first time[]
"Here we are," said Stanley. "Now I'm going to try out that number 3 button!" He took the bucket over to the keypad and began absolutely slamming on the number 3, over and over and over.
Standing still at the Boss's Office[]
After taking some time to show the bucket around the boss's office Stanley at last went to the keypad where he began eagerly pressing the number 3 again and again.
Pressing the number 3 repeatedly[]
"Wow!" he said, "the number 3 is such a special button! I'm having the time of my life!" Stanley looked expectantly at the bucket, but the bucket remained silent. This was a shock to Stanley, who had always felt such a connection with the bucket. How was this not as exciting to the bucket as it was to him? Once Stanley had had enough of the number 3, he got back in the elevator.
Going back down (first time)[]
Perhaps the bucket had missed something. Perhaps it had not seen how much joy Stanley got from slamming the number 3 repeatedly.
Potentially returning to the main path[]
A hint of regret nagged in the back of Stanley's mind. Should he demonstrate the number 3 for the bucket again?
Going back up (second time)[]
"No, no, no, no, no," Stanley said to the bucket. "You can't go on yet. Not 'til you understand how much the number 3 means to me! You and I have been through so much together, and I just want you to see what I see, feel the happiness I feel." He smiled at the bucket, and the bucket said nothing.
Returning to the Boss's Office again[]
"Here we go," said Stanley, "this time I'll really show you!" He ran to the number 3 and began to whale on it like a musician on a beloved instrument, weaving a concerto of truth and passion. He wielded the number 3 like a fine artist would wield a paintbrush. He told stories through the number 3, stories of his dreams and hopes and fears.
And the whole time, he looked to his bucket for a reaction of some kind, anything to let him know that the bucket appreciated what he was doing. The bucket conveyed absolutely nothing at all. Only silence. Crushed by a wave of dejection, Stanley returned to the elevator.
Going back down (second time)[]
Stanley and the bucket were so close, they'd always been there for one another. Why suddenly could the bucket not connect with this passion of Stanley's? The question caused Stanley to ruminate the whole way down the elevator. He knew that there must be a way to get through to the bucket, to communicate fully with his dear friend. Surely there was a solution, mustn't there be?
Final elevator ride[]
"Ahaha!" said Stanley. "I know what to do! I know how to fully express this feeling in my heart!" He decided right then and there that he would hold a press conference where he would speak to the public on all matters related to pressing the number 3 over and over. He would elaborate fully on what the number 3 meant to him, and why he felt so alive when pressing it. Then the bucket would be able to see his joy through the eyes of others. It would get to see the world react to this discovery of Stanley's. And it would be through the public eye that the bucket would finally understand Stanley's work.
Entering the Press Conference site[]
For months, he advertised and marketed his press conference, building excitement around it, developing and rehearsing it until it couldn't be refined a single measure further. When the big day arrived, Stanley was as prepared as he'd ever been for anything in his life.
Backstage before the show[]
This was it. One last chance to win the bucket over. One opportunity to share a true connection with a loved one.
On the stage[]
There was no one here. Nobody had come to the press conference to hear Stanley speak. To listen to him talk about what it really means to press the number 3 on a keypad over and over. He was unloved, uninteresting, he was a failure. And in that moment, Stanley knew that the bucket would never again take him seriously.
There would be no connection, no deeper understanding. The bucket merely sat there in his arms, indifferent. And so it began that slowly, over many years, the two of them grew more and more distant. They spoke less and less, neither wishing to state the obvious that any sense of real respect between them had eroded since that day at the press conference. There would be no more games, no more long conversations about passion and pursuit. Only a silence that consumed the space between friends.
And Stanley, having for once in his life discovered the warmth and comfort of true companionship, was cast back into the unremarkable normalcy of loneliness.
Pressing the number 3 after the stage[]
The bucket did not react, except - except for perhaps a tiny glow of warmth. Subtle, yes, but an unmistakable spark from somewhere deep within.